i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
