**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
