Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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