"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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