great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
