Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dick very happy bro
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
