HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
