I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
