soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
