you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize