Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Green mimosas i think yes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
