i jhust puked up my retainher.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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