Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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