I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
