I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
