Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
