theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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