shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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