she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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