I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
