i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
