He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
