This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
