the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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