He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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