Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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