fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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