did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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