okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
