my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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