tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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