Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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