just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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