well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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