dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize