I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
