for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
