If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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