If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
