dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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