Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
