I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your penis caused this!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
