He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
