i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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