You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
