I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
