yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
