ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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