Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
