oh god the rape fog is back!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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