so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
