woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
