He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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