"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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