I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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