It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize