i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
