Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I had to cum in my sink.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
