Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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