naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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