I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize