yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I did not marry a roomba.
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