bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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