My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
