I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize