watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
